Something-Else Capital of the World

Although it was a clever stroke of branding to declare itself the "Live Music Capital of the World," Austin, Texas has undergone some changes, largely in part due to that reputational boost originating four decades ago. Marketing itself as a great place to come party for a few days has resulted in Austin's infrastructure's straining beneath the weight of its unchecked development and sprawl. Its culture has been altered from the ground-up by people moving to Austin from out of state in order to join the fray, with cursory awareness of "Stevie" and "Willie," but with disregard for the values and mores upon which the city's cultural reputation was founded. As one Austinite put it, "People want to move here because it's known as a friendly place, but when they do, they don't want to be friendly." Truly, overall, the denizens of Austin now are less congenial and more aggressive than any would have gotten away with before the influx of go-getting, condo-dwelling, Rogan-sighting people drove the prices of everyfrickinthing to rival those in the Bay Area, who don't really like music, and don't go out to hear bands play except when demonstrating that they "support live music."

So, how to ameliorate this clusterfudge? Although it's impossible to roll back changes predicated upon previous gradual changes and insidious influences, it might be possible to alter their course by changing the suggestive branding of the city. Given the sort of people who'd been induced to infiltrate the populace as a result of the "Live Music Capital of the World" emblem, which encouraged a further proliferation of live music in instances where it wouldn't have occurred previously, organizers and proprietors trying to attract interest and business by falling in line with the city's self-created reputation, I've been considering what might be the sort of cultural innovation (or imposition) that would attract the sort of people who'd make for a better crowd, a less-stressful commute, a lower cost of living, an overall shift away from thousands of people out in the same place trying to have the same fun or just find parking for it – that "better quality of life" by which the transplants who've ruined Austin had meant lower home prices than in California.

How about decreeing Austin to be the Petting Zoo Capital of the World? Just replace live musicians with petting zoos. Imagine petting zoos at bars and restaurants, and on outdoor patios of coffee shops and hotels; at public events, street festivals, protest rallies, street corners, and bookstores, and even the Public Library. I guarantee that in five to 10 years, the populace would be shifted toward a better sort of person.

Support live animals!